Chapter 2...

Jaleels Story:
The first time I took something that was not mine was when I was 9 years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. And that was the start of things to come. I stole R5 from my auntie’s purse, while she was visiting us. I remember the thrill of opening her handbag, a big brown ugly thing, and finding the coins closely wrapped in a old hankychief. The old people always carried change like that, so that it would not make a noise and give the skelms any indication they had money on them. Auntie had about 10 R2 coins and 10 R1 coins in the hanky, but my thieving instincts had already taken root. If I took everything, she would know it was me, but if I took just 2 and 1, she would not notice. Auntie was rich – her husband worked for Tramways – he was a bus driver and everyone knew he was helping himself to some coins when the inspectors were not looking. That’s why Auntie always had coins with her. And that’s how my story started.
Growing up in the flats back in those days was hectic, my bru. We had to be on the lookout for the law all the time. As 12 year olds, me and my best friend Gakkie, used to steal where we could, when we could. Then he got caught one day, trying to rob the Shoprite, and ended up shooting a cashier. She had a weak heart and died more from the shock, but anyway, Gakkie cot 20 years and he and I ran a lekker racket on the inside at Pollsmoor. But in 1994, the game changed big time. Pagad was causing a lot of problems for the dealers and we all had a meeting in Cape Town. Ha! It was like real business meeting. We all drove to the Waterfront, and met in the hotel boardroom. People must have kakked themselves that day and if the Law was there, we would have been arrested all at once, like a Whitney Houston song! But the leaders were all there, and me, just 18 years old and a big chip on my shoulder, I was 2IC (2nd in charge) to the leader of the Naughty Boys – Jimmy ‘’Killer’’ Pawns. But today, the ouens had to put aside their differences. All the brasse was there..Mickey Blue Eyes, leader of the HL’s (Hard Livings), SKOENE Visagie, leader of the Americans, Gino ‘’Tanne’’, leader of the New Mongrels, and Sally, leader of the Velvet Girls and last, Richard Smith, leader of the Crazy Kids.
The problem was that PAGAD were taking out the dealers one by one, and all the gangs were losing money. Jimmy had a long talk planned but the other guys had other ideas, and eventually the meet turned into a shouting match, until Sally shouted ‘’STOP”. She told me to come forward. And did I shine that day. Those hardened criminals shut up, and listened to me! They were hanging on my words, on my lips, to every word I said. And did I give them the speech! Carol had prepped me well. Her drama classes taught me some eloquence, how to use words to capture an audience, but also, how to put on a show! By lunch time, the only person not on board was Mickey Blue Eyes, but already the tide had turned. We agreed an alliance, to fight the PAGAD boys on our turf, with a united front. And Mickey would lose out, maybe even more than just his turf. By 5pm we had a draft worked out, and I had the job! I was in charge of my first operation, and the hit was out on the PAGADleader – Boeta Gamieldien, or Boeta Achmat to his friends and enemies.

Chapter 1 - Untitled Book Draft...

So a few months back, I had an idea to start writing a book. I tossed the idea around with my good friend Ronel Roos, and together we started writing something - it was supposed to be a book based in a local South African context. Then we both got busy with other things and the book stagnated.

A few days ago I came across the first draft of 3000 + words. So I thought I would put it out here in the blogosphere and gets some comments, criticism, compliments...perhaps get some encouragement from other budding writers out there?

Introduction:

Cassiems Story:
I was born in the bo-kaap, in 1955. My Oemi (grandmother) was a boere tannie from Worcester – she always said she was a de Wet, or a de la Rey, I cant remember so lekker anymore. Oemi always told us stories of how she met boeya (grandpa). He was a coloured gentleman, and used to be a door to door salesman back in the days, she said. Boeya was a handsome bliksem, with his wet brylcream hair (the oil used to run down his head by the time he got there to Worcester). Boeya used to live in Paarl, on someone’s backyard, and used to collect his stuff in Cape Town. Boeya used to get a lift to Worcester and Oemi was the daughter of one of the farmers he used to go and sell his stuff to on a Saturday morning. Oemi said when she seen Boeya for the first time she knew he was the one, cause she always likes chocolate and not vanilla! Aai! Oemi was sieker 12 or 13 at the time.
She and Boeya had to run away, and Boeya couldn’t show his face there anymore after the skandaal hit the dorpie. Then the Imam didn’t want to perform the Nikkah cause Oemi was from the Dutch Reformed Church, and she had to first ‘’draai’’ and become a slamse woman. Oemi said the Iman was full of kak, but she had to do it, otherwise she couldn’t marry him. Anway, to cut a long story short, Oemi and Boeya eloped and got married, and soma a year later my mother was born. I never really know her, she just left one morning, and never came back. Someone later told me she got a lekker job on the docks, but I never knew what she did. She was a beautiful woman, and I think tha her looks sometimes caused her some trouble. I think my pa was also from somewhere far, and thats why I got the straight hair in the family.
Anyway, I was raised by Oemi, and she did it by hand – a lot of the time. Aai! That woman. A pillar of the local community, they used to call her motjie Boer. She had light color hair, and skin which was nice and brown from the time in the sun. I remember her hands, and her hair – it always smelled of coconut oil that came out of a can. Later, just before she died, I remember her hair was gray, and the smell of the oil was in her room for months afterwards.
I met Ghaliema in 1972. She came from a family of proper Malay people. Her mother and father were both Malays, and they had some family still in Malaysia, or so she said. Ghaliema was the oldest of the children, and had to look after the younger children when her Mummy got sick with the TB. Ghaliema, yoh! She could bake the whole day on that Defy stove that her Pappie gave us for the wedding present. I remember now…it was a yellow color, but faded from the sun. It ran on electric, and was very modern for the time. Ghaliema used bake in that oven! From the morning through the day and night. Toe se die mense soma da kom Ghaliema Tertjies…a nickname that stuck till today. My wife, Ghaliema tertjies …
We got married in 1975, when I turned 20. Then our people didn’t do the dating thing like today. You met the girl, you got married. No blerri nonsense like today. Now everyone is on Mixit and the laities don’t have time to do things right, or do the right things. Now I am glad the group areas kept us from the White people, with their funny habits and music and parties. ’76 was a tough year for us. The Black people were making a noise about our language and that it was not what they wanted to learn. They had some marches and some people got killed in a march somewhere. But for us here in Cape Town, we were very isolated from the rest of the country. We heard the stories, ma onse bruin mense wassie involved nie. It was a black vs white thing, and anyway, I was going to work for Mr Lipshitz at the law firm. Ja it was hard, I could have been a lawyer, but we never had the money so I had to settle to be a clerk for Mr Lipshitz. That guy was the Pa of the Mr Lipshitz who is now the baas here, but anyway, I am going to fill the gaps as I go along. Anyway, I got a job and got some money, so me and Ghaliema got married straightaway. The Imam from the Muir Street mosque married us and we had a small reception afterwards. My friend Andy came to fetch us in his mothers Mercedes – a 220 Avocado Green color car – that matched Ghaliemas dress. And there was place for the two bridesmaid also. We went to take photos in the Gardens, before the boere came and chased us out – I still have a photo with the one boere laaitie – shame, he just said he was doing his job, sorry to disturb, but can we please leave. Fanie or Fanus was his name on his badge. But ja, it was a nice day to get married – a sunny day in June…
But today I got a big problem, and I dunno how to figure this one out. I seen something, something I shouldn’t have seen. And very soon, this thing is going to explode, and I got to do something, and quick, or the kak is going to hit the fan…

Why I cannot vote ANC again..

I'm sitting here, contemplating the forthcoming local elections and I am sad that for the first time I will not be voting for the ANC. Before anyone starts jumping up and down, hear me out as to why I have given the ANC my vote before.

When I went to vote for the first time in 1994, I voted with my heart. I voted for the only option. I voted with my heart and believed that this country could be a shining light for the world. I voted for the ideal proposed by Nelson Mandela just after his release from prison, 27 years after his incarceration. I believed that the ANC would be the saviour of this country, and for a short while I believed this. I witnessed a Minister of Finance take office who was prepared to step up to all the challenges he knew was waiting - Comrade Trevor, I salute you. I saw the ANC stance on communism wither in the wake of the fall of the Berlin Wall. I saw a new leadership take responsibility. I saw a measure of accountability - to the people and to the world. I saw hope. I saw progress. I saw an economy grow stronger than any South African economy before, a strong Rand, business opportunities (for all) and non racialism proliferate. I saw this. And much more. But the light was too bright, and blinded me. Badly!

I then witnessed the coming death of the dream for many. After one term, the Mbeki era was ushered in. Slowly, the blinkers came off. But again, I voted for the ANC. I still wanted to believe. The economy was still growing, slower yes, but sustainable, or so I believed. The rot was starting to set in, with the SABC becoming a state organ. We heard what the state wanted us to hear, and the ears of the people were fed with promises. Lies were told. The people believed.

Till now. Our ANC government of today is fat and bloated, and just like a fat and bloated pig, this animal needs to be fed constantly. Ministers driving R1 million rand cars. Living in estate mansions. But the people have seen nothing but visions of prosperity. I lived in Gauteng for a while, and drove through Diepsloot on my way to Fourways/Sandton one day. And all I saw was shack upon shack upon shack. Running water was in scarce supply. And electricity a luxury. I saw people queuing for taxi's at 5.00 A.M, waiting to take the fortunate few to jobs in the city. But the majority of people in that township still living in the hope that something better would be coming. And so we come to today..

Today we stand on the brink of another election. The ANC have asked us to vote them into power again. They have asked us to vote for incompetent city officials who have squandered away the legacy of the ANC. They have asked us to vote for lazy, corrupt city officials who have only empowered themselves. They have asked us to vote for a local government who promise the people of townships electricity by 2014, proudly, as part of the election manifesto!

So, today, I say to my fellow comrades – I can no longer stand by and idly wait for you to destroy what is left of our former glory and legacy. Today I have to vote for the opposition. I base my vote on service delivery. I base my vote on accountability. And I base my vote on the need for continued growth on matters that matter!

Sorry ANC – I have seen the light – and it is not Green and Gold and Black any longer.

I wanted to share these beautiful words about South Africa written by Jonathan Jansen...

My South Africa is the working-class man who called from the airport to return my wallet without a cent missing. It is the white woman who put all three of her domestic worker's children through the same school that her own child attended. It is the politician in one of our rural provinces, Mpumalanga, who returned his salary to the government as a statement that standing with the poor had to be more than just a few words. It is the teacher who worked after school hours every day during the public sector strike to ensure her children did not miss out on learning.

My South Africa is the first-year university student in Bloemfontein who took all the gifts she received for her birthday and donated them - with the permission of the givers - to a home for children in an Aids village. It is the people hurt by racist acts who find it in their hearts to publicly forgive the perpetrators. It is the group of farmers in Paarl who started a top school for the children of farm workers to ensure they got the best education possible while their parents toiled in the vineyards. It is the farmer's wife in Viljoenskroon who created an education and training centre for the wives of farm labourers so that they could gain the advanced skills required to operate accredited early-learning centers for their own and other children.

My South Africa is that little white boy at a decent school in the Eastern Cape who decided to teach the black boys in the community to play cricket, and to fit them all out with the togs required to play the gentelman's game. It is the two black street children in Durban, caught on camera, who put their spare change in the condensed milk tin of a white beggar. It is the Johannesburg pastor who opened up his church as a place of shelter for illegal immigrants. It is the Afrikaner woman from Boksburg who nailed the white guy who shot and killed one of South Africa's greatest freedom fighters outside hishome.

My South Africa is the man who went to prison for 27 years and came out embracing his captors, thereby releasing them from their impending misery. It is the activist priest who dived into a crowd of angry people to rescue a woman from a sure necklacing. It is the former police chief who fell to his knees to wash the feet of Mamelodi women whose sons disappeared on his watch; it is the women who forgave him in his act of contrition. It is the Cape Town university psychologist who interviewed the 'Prime Evil' in Pretoria Centre and came away with emotional attachment, even empathy, for the human being who did such terrible things under apartheid.

My South Africa is the quiet, dignified, determined township mother from Langa who straightened her back during the years of oppression and decided that her struggle was to raise decent children, insist that they learn, and ensure that they not succumb to bitterness or defeat in the face of overwhelming odds. It is the two young girls who walked 20kms to school everyday, even through their matric years, and passed well enough to be accepted into university studies. It is the student who takes on three jobs, during the evenings and on weekends, to find ways of paying for his university studies.

My South Africa is the teenager in a wheelchair who works in townships serving the poor. It is the pastor of a Kenilworth church whose parishioners were slaughtered, who visits the killers and asks them for forgiveness because he was a beneficiary of apartheid. It is the politician who resigns on conscientious grounds, giving up status and salary because of an objection in principle to a social policy of her political party. It is the young lawman who decides to dedicate his life to representing those who cannot afford to pay for legal services.

My South Africa is not the angry, corrupt, violent country whose deeds fill the front pages of newspapers and the lead-in items on the seven-o'-clock news. It is the South Africa often unseen, yet powered by the remarkable lives of ordinary people. It is the citizens who keep the country together through millions of acts of daily kindness.

Sh!t happens..a breakdown..

Shit happens.

How many times have you heard this expression?

How can things go so wrong, so quickly? And why is it that some people simply go on, without a care in the world?

What could have been?

A beautiful relationship, with the perfect client, a long term, mutually beneficial agreement, and it went horribly wrong..and this is how it happened.

A client, lets call him client X, had a need for a very specific piece of work.

A service provider had the required skills within their company.

A very good understanding was reached and everyone was all smiles and happy.

But, as we all know, often the best intentions get misread. Accusations fly, high and very low, so low that Client X starts to think - "WTF??". What am involved in here. Millions of Rands later, and all the client sees is a terrible trail of troubles - more accusations, blame, zero responsibility from the SP, and the cycle continues to degrade like an organic compost heap..very slowly, everything starts to decompose...

So, to break it down. Functional specs were vague, instructions were sometimes unclear, and the scope of the product changed often. As is the nature of the beast, scope change is accepted as part of a development cycle, and both sides needed to give way, and often.

And then the final straw. The deal maker gets the short end of the stick. Because the SP cannot manage his business effectively. The Client is pissed off, and wants nothing to do with the SP any longer, but due to circumstances, they need to get to certain agreed upon milestones.

The SP have been making a decent profit. But now that the client has downscaled his requirements, the SP sits with a massive overhead, a business that is no longer sustainable. And the deal maker get the smack in the head. Commission payments are withheld indefinitely, starting another round of a viscous cycle. And the integrity of the deal maker is at stake. The SP walks away, with not a care in the world!

Is it fair to withhold an agents commission when business takes a downturn?

No! but shit happens..and we move on..another day another place another time

Brand New Day...

If you were born today, in 1990, Nelson Mandela would still have been in jail.

The ANC was still to be unbanned.

F W de Klerk was the president of South Africa, the last white man to be in that position in this country.

South Africa stood on the brink of change. Apartheid was dying, and you were taking your first breath of life.

If you were born to a typical black family, you would most probably have been born in a Government Hospital.

In Cape Town, it would most likely have been Groote Schuur Hospital (loosely translated, Big Shed)

That Hospital was probable staffed by white nurses, who were trained by the then still Apartheid Government.

The Doctor, probably also a young white man, doing his internship, would most probably have delivered you as a baby.

The same white hands that could so easily have carried a R 1 rfile, in a township, under conscription, under the same Apartheid regime.

So, to recap - you were born in an Apartheid Hospital, delivered by an Apartheid trained doctor, nursed by a white nurse - guess what? You were born in Apartheid, From Apartheid, By Apartheid!!

But, something else was born that year too...the birth of a stillborn promise! This is your legacy...

You would still go to a school in a Township - Kalafon, Tembisa, Khayaletsha, Kayamandi....

Your teachers who fought in the struggle, would continue to struggle...

Your brother and sisters, those old enough to work, would still earn minimum wage...

Your cousin would still be working for that people in Bishops Court - making tea...

But now you had freedom..

And a promise...

Houses, Uncle Joe promised, would be for everyone, then sadly, he died...

Jobs, promised, but not delivered, but you are free..

Healthcare, promised, but who was to pay for this?

But a promise must be kept, you say?

Today, you turn 21, and what do you have to look forward to?

If your parents were lucky, they moved to a newer township, less stink, maybe running water?

Maybe, just maybe, you were lucky enough to get electricity..

Running water? Toilets?

You, last Apartheid baby, you laugh? you cry?

So, Happy Birthday, hope you have a good one, hope your dreams come true, cause this is what you have..

A dream..

A dream where people will not have to live in fear,

where you are your master...

where no one will discriminate against you...

where equal opportunities will abound...

So, today I give you your 21st birthday present...

It used to be a key, and big party..

The key symbolized the unlocking of your adulthood, perhaps locking the closed door of your youth...

You are an adult now..

Take responsibility

And like I always tell my children...the first rule...don't panic

Dear Dad

10 August 2009

Dear Dad

I write this letter, to try to clarify my thinking, and to shed some light on what I am going through at the moment.

I woke some time during the night, and started thinking back, back to a time when I was just a little child, and I could not recall ever spending any time alone with you. Not a single memory of just you and me. I felt very sad then, because I suppose if anyone asked me what I would want the most, then that would be it – just some time alone with you, without any distractions, without any one else to take your attention from me. I guess that I needed this all my life and never got it, and maybe that’s why I am the person I am today. I think of my own son now, and know that I must make time to connect with him, to understand him, his needs and desires and develop a relationship with him.

I approach my 40^th birthday, you are now almost 64? And I know that our time together is not going to be for that much longer. And it pains me to think that I have not been able to live up to your expectations. Although I take responsibility for my actions, a lot of what I have done in the past has been based on getting your attention. And any attention is better than no attention. I was granted the moniker of troublemaker at a very young age, I was always the one getting into trouble. My earliest recollections are of getting into hot water for some or other child hood prank. The naughty one. The black sheep. And so on. Labels, and more labels. Some even said that I would not amount to much, probably end up in prison someone said. Ok, that last thing did happen – an overnighter – but nothing to be overly concerned about ( I always had a lasting love of freedom which will always keep me centered and out of prison).

So what is this about then? Ok, I thought about it some more and it comes down to this. Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with you, based on the idea that we agree to disagree? I do believe we have fundamental differences in the most important areas of our relationship – religion, family values, politics and more.

But for us to agree to disagree, I suppose I would need to disclose some information that may be a bit of shock to your senses, your system, and I certainly do not want to be responsible for giving you another stress induced heart attack. So lets take it slowly and see where it ends ok?

With regard to my ingrained belief system. I acknowledge that there is a God, A god who does not need anything from me. Shall we leave it at that for now? I do not think that discussing the merits or demerits of one system of belief over another bears discussion at this point. Suffice to say that I admire your devotion to your belief system and I am happy that this system works for you. At the same time, I need you to know that it does not appeal to me personally. Perhaps one day it will, but for now we need to agree that it is OK for me to be different and that this difference should not be a cause for us not to be in a relationship.

I have made some decisions that have not had the desired results, granted, and at times I have made some foolish and rash decisions, but I really do not have any regrets. I do not believe that having regrets is a healthy or positive thing, but perhaps I need to ask your forgiveness for some of those actions that have hurt you or caused you pain.

I need you to forgive me for taking life changing decisions without first consulting you. I refer here to when I decided to marry Joline.

I need your forgiveness for not measuring up to your expectations of what I could have been – academically. I refer here to not completing my time at university.

I need you to forgive me for the times I caused you pain and hurt through foolish actions, foolish words spoken in anger to you and mother, and other generally stupid things I have said and done. I refer here to so many things, you can recall them should you wish to…

I speak now of compassion and understanding. I need your compassion in this regard. I know that you are a caring and understanding individual. But I have never really understood you on a deeper level. And I don’t think you have ever really understood me at a deeper level either. I have been through therapy sessions in trying to deal with this understanding or lack thereof, and it has only ever gained for me a temporary relief. That I have chose to write this, and thus far with the clarity of a drug filled mind (flu medication, nothing more I promise), in as simple manner as possible, and that it should be readable with the view to gaining an insight into my mind at this time, that is my objective. We are like two strangers at times, and at other times I revert to being that little boy again, wanting nothing more than your approval as my father, my caregiver, the one who I can look to in times of need.

I have spent time looking at my life – from the outside, from the eyes of those around me. I have faced, full on, the person I have become. I have tasted success, financially, and have also been a victim of that same success. I have learnt that money can buy lots of stuff, and that the same stuff can give one a cold and superficial meaning to life. I have immersed myself in the trapping of easily gotten wealth, and I have seen the futility of that life. The temporary cessation of pain, how money can ease the discomfort, but never buy the one thing we all crave – happiness and a fulfilled life of abundance. But most importantly, I have learnt that chasing the money dream is akin to chasing the early morning mist – futile and temporary because as the sun comes out, that mist evaporates, leaving nothing but the desire to chase the mist another day. Of failure I can also relate to. I have had opportunities that many would have converted into a meaningful life. I have failed, but I have never stopped trying to find the elusive thing I am in search of. I still am not always sure of what that thing is, but I am hopeful that I will find it one day, hopefully before its too late. For now, I am happy within myself, where the demons of the past cannot get to me. I look to the future now with renewed hope energy and vigour. For without a dream what am I to become.

On responsibility to those I care most about. I am now vitally aware of the passing of time. Age seems to be catching up with me. I awake with the thought that the drifting carefree life I have led has a serious downside – that I am in danger of becoming that thing I resent most – a drifter, a down and out bum. I know now that even though I am down, I am most certainly not out. That accepting responsibility for my situation now means taking the needed action to get out of that place. To make a life for my children that they can be proud of whom they are. Now, more than ever, I have accepted my responsibility to them. They need me now more than ever, and that my actions from here on in will make all the difference to what they will become.

But to be able to move forward from this point, I need to close and resolve the issues of my past that haunt me. The constant need of approval – yours foremost, and others in my peer group. The need for approval from my family, friends and business associates. I have come to terms with this on some levels, but not on the most important one – your approval. How can I gain your approval? How can I measure up, when I do not even know what yardstick you are measuring me with. Your own relationship with your father I know so little of, but could unresolved issues between the two of you be the reason why we cannot meet on this level? My sisters are all well off and seem on the outside at least to be living the quality life that you would have wished for them. You mentioned, in passing once, that when Bibi got married you could relax and get on with you r life, knowing that your obligation as a father had been completed now that she has found a husband. But the meaning of that was a lot deeper to me – when, if ever, did your obligation end to me as your only son? Did I miss something here?

Our relationship appears OK on the surface. We can talk about most things non personal, but we never appear to be able to dig deeper. Your reluctance to engage on a deeper level could be down to your not wishing to be confrontational, or it could simply be a way out of accepting the differences between us. Anyway, that is something we could engage in this dialogue, should you wish to engage.

What am I asking for then? I am asking for you to accept me the way I am, with my inequities and my human failings. I am asking for you to accept me the way I am. Accept that you have indeed instilled in me a moral compass that is pointing in the right direction. That my method of finding Nirvana is going to be different to yours. That I am going to make mistakes, and that I will learn from those mistakes. That all I ask for is your 100% support, unequivocally and in everything I seek.

I know that this will not be easy for you to give. I know that I may be asking a really big ask, but ask I must. Will you give me your blessings? As I am?

Reflections

I have been reflecting on the past few months, from both a work and personal perspective and have made some observations:

1. Things are never as bad as they seem to be, while you are experiencing them.
2. No matter how low you may go, you will always sink lower, if you allow yourself to think that way...
3. Following the crowd is NOT an option
4. People are extremely resilient...extremely so....
5. Time is relevant to how much you have to do, or rather how much (or little) time you have to do it in...go figure.....

I am always amazed at how simple life really is. I try and stop myself when I feel that Life is becoming to complex. Just do the Scrum thing. Crouch. Touch. Pause. Engage. I think we humans or is that Us humans? tend to load our plates with so much things we Have to do, instead of carefully selecting what we Want to do. Sure, there are some things we Have to do, but on the whole we need to find the time (see point 5 above) to do the things we Want to do. So each day, I try and do at least 1 thing I want to do. I find the pleasure of that 1 action can often drive me, motivate me, encourage me, to do the other Have to things that need to be done.

more later...

Happy Days

Indeed...

Looking forward to the Cape Town Book Fair at the Cape Town International Convention Center this coming weekend. This will be my 4th fair, and I am looking forward to meeting the authors and publishers - kind of re assuring that some things are still the same. Which gets me to thinking about all the things that have changed the past 4 years....

...2006 - I was still living in Joburg, but was already thinking of coming back down to CT.

...2007 - Back in CT, working for OM

...2008 -

...2009 - ???

Blurry, but some highlights stand out - the Eagle, old Louis B Nkosi - what a character. He went awol a few hours before the main event. We found him, in a bar, down the bottom of Long Street, drunk as a Lord! And he still made it to the function on time....guests of honour - Trevor and Maria!

07 was interesting too, with an expanded floor and a lot more activities...John Van Der Ruits Spud was one of the attractions...

last year we had Wilbur Smith and Max du Preex livening things up and this year its going to be another exciting adventure.


Look forward to seeing you there - and if you need a free ticket...just give me a call 079 352 0590

The @#$#@%

That's my word for this thing called the Recession...

I got to reading the other day, some or other blogger that was mumbling about all the cutbacks they had to make and the downsizing and the other stuff people in the US are having to do to get through the Recession. Well that got me to thinking. We have been pretty isolated here in good old Zumababwe (South Africa, the Republic of).

So how it works is like this - we have to cut back, spend less, save more, and some other stuff I lost rack of. Anyway, having gone through some pretty tough times over the last 15 years, and some pretty good time too, I thought about this. We need to spend less - less on so called luxuries. So I got to making a list of luxury items I buy regularly. Nothing. Zip. Zilch! I cant even remember when last I bought a decent Tshirt (my main clothing wardrobe item). Or a pair of good jeans. All essentials. But I digress. I got to think about the few remaining luxury items - a nice chocolate, or a meal at a nice restaurant.

So what was I thinking. OK - so we all cut back - and now the chocolate maker suffers. He sells less Chocolates. The restaurant goes bust cause he cant pay rent, meaning he lays off more people, causing more unemployment, and so the cycle continues. 

So what to do? Mmmm, I been thinking. We need some anti recession thinking here people! I think we need to scale down, not out. Lets form chocolate eating groups (I dont think they exist yet? do they?). We all pool some funds - buy a box and split the cost. Split the goodies so to speak. Maybe we all get a few blocks less, but we all still get something. A little bit of chocolate can go a long way. The Chocolate maker is happy (relatively) and he gets to keep his business open. We need to think out the (chocolate) box people (as can be seen, I love chocolate and really miss them - badly...). Or the restaurant - lets do a deal. A table of four, normal cost, R 400. Maybe do a set meal deal - R200 bucks! Every one pools R50! We all get a meal, a desert, maybe 1 drink (soft) and we all smiling! Sharing is caring people! I really think this can work, so I'm starting a Facebook group - anyone can join - search for the Recession Busters group - anyone can join, suppliers, customers, friends! Join now - lets kick the @#$%$# out of this stupid Recession! Now!

now where was that last piece of Lindt?????

Lessons Learned...Again..

A wise man once said that the most important lesson one should learn from setbacks is just that - the lessons! 

So what can I add to the lesson I just learned. 

• Start business relationships with good intentions (but know that that is not enough..)
  
• Know what you want from the business - dont compromise (it will come back to bite you on the ass).
• Pay legal fees - they worth every cent!
• Ask your lawyers to review ALL your contracts.
• Ensure that you have ALL your bases covered in said contract - you will not regret it!
• Ensure that you have a founding statement. 
• Ensure that ALL partners agree to the founding statement.
• Choose your partners wisely - sleep with dogs and you will get fleas!
• Agree shareholding stakes UPFRONT! The share allocation is not that important - yet...
• Ensure you have a buy out / buy in / buy more strategy...
• If in doubt, don't do it! Call said Lawyers again...
• Hire a top notch accountant - she is worth it!
• Don't take shortcuts when forming legal entities - this could prove costly!
• Ensure that ALL partners / shareholders have great credit - if not, ensure that you do not end up carrying deadwood...
• Agree roles and responsibilities upfront - take time to discuss this, in minute detail...
• Minute and document ALL meetings.
• Ensure ALL stakeholders are present when making decisions affecting YOUR business - remember that they are stakeholders too...
• Curb over enthusiastic contractual spending (cell phone contracts are usually 24 months)
• Create Loan accounts - for each partner. 
• Use the Loan account wisely.
• Keep track of your startup expenses.
• Agree on who your bankers are...before you sign the first deal - you will need a bank account to put your money in.
• Make sure money paid is paid into the BUSINESS account - at all times.
• Remember - everything is easy before the money comes rolling in....

I'm sure there are more things, but we sometimes forget that we are getting into business to make money. If it was easy, everyone would do it. Business is about Risk - but minimising Risk is being a sensible business person, and hopefully a wealthy one too...

Pain

Why do we feel pain?

How do we define pain?

What makes us happy?

We cannot make others happy...we can only make them conscious of our current state. Consciousness is being aware of what you are feeling - pain, joy, happiness, sadness, its all good, if it creates a clearer state of consciousness.

When a man and a woman come together, feelings become more intense. And this intensity carries the relationship.

When a man and a woman separate, the feelings do not just go away. This persistence of the feelings is what we feel as the pain of separation. At the same time that we accept that the other person is no longer there, we know that we are still connected, in some way. We make promises to each other, and sometimes imply certain things. We infer. We plan. But when these promises and plans do not happen, we feel betrayed, lost, hurt, used...

Living in the NOW means being fully conscious of these feelings. What are promises, but the allure of tomorrow, coated in whatever 'need' we perceive we have? Why can we not accept that today we will simply be the best we can be? Why do we resist the outcome, when the outcome is already determined? Why form new friendships, when the old ones have not served our purpose? We cannot grow as individuals, or as a society, if we do not learn from our mistakes. Every human interaction is an emotional one. Once we accept that fact, we can learn to be fulfilled right NOW, and not put things off till later.

We cannot be blinded by the current expression of our reality. We create that reality through our thinking, and it can either build us up, or hold us back. Taking responsibility for our thoughts and actions gives us a measure of control over our feelings - what we say, what we do. Relinquishing control over our partners and friends frees us to do the things we need to do to fulfill our lives. True friendship become apparent when we allow our friends to be what they are, and not judge them according to what our expectations are. When we relinquish the old thinking, and allow our hearts to feel.

When the mind (ego) is no longer in control and we experience our own version of reality, we are truly free. Set the thinking free and the free reality must follow. When we stop chasing ghosts, when we allow ourselves to follow our dreams, we can fly. For without dreams, we die. Spirit will live, expression will follow.

Peace...Love...Joy

Here and Now

I sit here, happy, glad that my Internet service has been restored, appreciating access to the world of information at my fingertips...Oh how sad and pathetic then that with all the information out there, I cant think of anything I would like to go and find....So, its happy and sad...a contradiction and yet again perhaps an apt metaphor for my life at this time...

Was reading some Eckhart Tolle last night - The Power of Now - some heavy stuff, but he writes in a very easy way, using words that do not intimidate. Live in the Now...I like that.

Words

Words, sometimes so powerful and sometimes so meaningless...

take the word space as an example - dictionary.com definition number 19: 

freedom or opportunity to express oneself, resolve a personal difficulty, be alone, etc.; allowance, understanding, or noninterference: Right now, you can help by giving me some space. When used at an inappropriate junction within a relationship it could sound the death knell, the proverbial beginning of the end, and at other times, it could be just what is needed to keep a relationship healthy...just a word, but it can be so powerful if used at the right time, and so destructive at other times... Sometimes my word flow so easily, and at others, I struggle to get the right words out. Conflict, resolution, abrasive, easy, hard, happy, sad, etc.etc.. just words used to describe feelings, feelings sometimes kept under wraps. Opening doors that cannot be closed, doors closing, new ones opening, all just words...*sigh* I'm really struggling to get the words out. I'm not making any sense lately, and I'm always saying the wrong things - probably an indication of the conflict going on in my mental space. Must find the time to clear the cobwebs, make plans for 2009, answer the questions that need answering, find the me that's not quite me at the moment. I'm so tired of asking for somethings, tired of not having enough, tired of waiting to be happy. So I'm doing a mental stock take, chucking out the old thinking, and replacing it with what I know works. Finding new words - Joy, Happiness, Abundance, Success, Fun, Creativity... I have been a victim of my own thinking again - using the wrong words to create my current reality, hiding form the now in the past, languishing in self pity - but NO MORE!!!! So today I start the 10 day Joy Program - out with the old, in with the new....

Corrections - Lucky or Smart?

When major markets tumble, and everyone panics, what do you do? Panic too? Or see the opportunity thats available? So often we witness the herd instinct at play, and now more than ever - one would think that people who had the sort of money being 'lost' at the moment would also possess some form of mental ability to think for themselves...so the make believe money is no longer there - perhaps the last 8 years of massive growth was all just a bubble anyway. So now that markets have corrected themselves, what to do? Seize the day? Or go run away and hide in a corner? I'm old enough to remember the last time we went through 'tough' times. I survived, and so did most of the people I worked with at the time. So we had to adjust some things, but this is not necessarily a 'bad' thing is it? Where to shop? What to buy? Corrections like these are normal and I believe necessary to keep some semblance of economic structure. Stick those share certificates in your bottom drawer, and forget they were there - Old Mutual will one day be back at R20-R30 a share - R9 is good value for money, if you have it.

But for the rest of us - those who face harsh reality every day, we could be the lucky and smart ones - Now is the time to get creative, think positive and do those things we've been putting off for a while now - take some risks, step into the space. Thing about a bit of turmoil is that while everyone else is losing their heads, those who stay calm and dont panic can score big. Lucky or Smart? Its a bit of both actually.

Truth VS Lies

This is not going to be an easy read, so I need to get some things said off the cuff – you are not going to like some of what you read next, this is not meant to blame you, but to help me take FULL responsibility for my current situation

 

Over the past few months I have been doing a lot of thinking about “who I am” and “what I want to be”. I came to the realization that I am who I am, regardless of what you think of me, and that ‘what’ I want to be can no longer be defined by what you expect of me. I have faced my Denial, my escapist behavior and have arrived at a point where I am now discovering more about my essential self – who I really am, and getting very uncomfortable with that side of me. The Social self has been admonished and put into a space where I can view it at my own pace. I can step out of situations and see the two sides of me clearly, and also see which side is ‘driving’ the situation.

 

Anyway, I tend to ramble on and on, but more on that later. For now, I need to deal with this little thing called the ‘White Lie’. I have become painfully aware that I tend to do this more than a little on occasion. And now I know why I have always told lies,

• to protect the other persons feelings,
• to protect myself,
• to gain some small non existent advantage,
• to cover for a perceived weakness,
• to appear strong,
• to appear weak,
• to be a friend,
• to try to live up to an expectation of me that I have created – in your mind

 

and so on. I looked it up – I could be a pathological liar, or not – depends if you want the truth or the lie (that’s supposed to be a joke…)

 

Back to the lies. It all started way back when I was just a little kid. I lied because I could. Simple really. I had a very active imagination, and this sort of creeped over into my real world. But I guess what I really learned back then was that the truth was not very pleasant. That whenever I told the truth I got into to trouble – reprimanded, punished. So to protect myself I learned to lie – with a straight face, and backed it up with twists and plots that I learned from all the books I read. I guess I became the consummate liar, polished and very believable. At some point, the lies became true, because I really believed that if you told it long enough that people eventually believed the lie to be true. In my defense I must say that they were not the big whopper type of lies, designed to hurt, but more of the small little ones that sort of slid by without being noticed. Alas, they were to lead to much bigger problems, but who was to know?

 

As I grew older the lying changed – I started lying to myself. I started making myself believe that some things were true when they were just not so. I developed a really good method of survival – deny everything, abscond responsibility, blame everyone and anyone, refuse to ‘grow’ up and just be a rebel. In my early teens I would lie about my friends, where I was going, what I was doing. Even though there really was no need to do this – I did it anyway. I wanted my own freedom above all else, at a time when I didn’t even know what that freedom was. But I did it, and got away with it – most of the time.

 

*quick aside* I must just say that the lying led to some other ‘bad’ stuff, like stealing opportunistically, but that I was somehow more socially aware of that problem – the consequences for stealing was going to jail – a place I had visited and did not like at all – again, the freedom thing. Doing drugs also didn’t work for me – I was pretty clean cut back then – a pack of Camels and that’s about it really, and also the getting hooked to anything was not a chance I wanted to take. 

 

Ask anyone who I grew up with and they will all say the same thing – I was very naughty – always catching on shit, breaking the rules (and the neighbors windows) and generally causing mayhem. I was the little boy with the kattie in his back pocket, always looking for the just the right size stone. Ah, the glory days….But again, I ramble on – this is starting to sound nostalgic – and that is not what I wanted to achieve here.

 

What I want to get off my chest today is that I know I have a lying problem, and now I know what it is I can no longer do it. I need my own little TRC now – so here comes the painful bit. Just remember, this is not meant to blame you for anything

 

*things I have lied about to you*

I lied about what I am doing – I’m not really working as hard or as smart as I can

 

So where is the pain you ask? Its not your actual pain, but again, its more my perception of what you will ‘feel’ when I lay the truth on you. I want you to know that I am no longer able to live up to your expectations. I cannot ‘be’ what you want me to ‘be’. It’s a little too late to try and make me into what you think I should be. And it hurts when I think of the times when I should have (living in the past) been guided and wasn’t. Now, I am in a new space – its called Authentic me. The real deal. Take it or leave it. And if you think its hard for you to hear this – then its twice as hard for me.

 

I have had my ups and downs these past few years – and I think that 2008 is going to be another year I will look back on as really special. Perhaps I am slow to see the light, but its taken me a while to get to the point where I can admit to what my flaws are. Perhaps writing this out to you (still not sure who you are) will help me clarify my thinking. Relieve some pressure perhaps?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Test functionality

*test*

 

Does this work?

 

*end test*#