I wanted to share these beautiful words about South Africa written by Jonathan Jansen...

My South Africa is the working-class man who called from the airport to return my wallet without a cent missing. It is the white woman who put all three of her domestic worker's children through the same school that her own child attended. It is the politician in one of our rural provinces, Mpumalanga, who returned his salary to the government as a statement that standing with the poor had to be more than just a few words. It is the teacher who worked after school hours every day during the public sector strike to ensure her children did not miss out on learning.

My South Africa is the first-year university student in Bloemfontein who took all the gifts she received for her birthday and donated them - with the permission of the givers - to a home for children in an Aids village. It is the people hurt by racist acts who find it in their hearts to publicly forgive the perpetrators. It is the group of farmers in Paarl who started a top school for the children of farm workers to ensure they got the best education possible while their parents toiled in the vineyards. It is the farmer's wife in Viljoenskroon who created an education and training centre for the wives of farm labourers so that they could gain the advanced skills required to operate accredited early-learning centers for their own and other children.

My South Africa is that little white boy at a decent school in the Eastern Cape who decided to teach the black boys in the community to play cricket, and to fit them all out with the togs required to play the gentelman's game. It is the two black street children in Durban, caught on camera, who put their spare change in the condensed milk tin of a white beggar. It is the Johannesburg pastor who opened up his church as a place of shelter for illegal immigrants. It is the Afrikaner woman from Boksburg who nailed the white guy who shot and killed one of South Africa's greatest freedom fighters outside hishome.

My South Africa is the man who went to prison for 27 years and came out embracing his captors, thereby releasing them from their impending misery. It is the activist priest who dived into a crowd of angry people to rescue a woman from a sure necklacing. It is the former police chief who fell to his knees to wash the feet of Mamelodi women whose sons disappeared on his watch; it is the women who forgave him in his act of contrition. It is the Cape Town university psychologist who interviewed the 'Prime Evil' in Pretoria Centre and came away with emotional attachment, even empathy, for the human being who did such terrible things under apartheid.

My South Africa is the quiet, dignified, determined township mother from Langa who straightened her back during the years of oppression and decided that her struggle was to raise decent children, insist that they learn, and ensure that they not succumb to bitterness or defeat in the face of overwhelming odds. It is the two young girls who walked 20kms to school everyday, even through their matric years, and passed well enough to be accepted into university studies. It is the student who takes on three jobs, during the evenings and on weekends, to find ways of paying for his university studies.

My South Africa is the teenager in a wheelchair who works in townships serving the poor. It is the pastor of a Kenilworth church whose parishioners were slaughtered, who visits the killers and asks them for forgiveness because he was a beneficiary of apartheid. It is the politician who resigns on conscientious grounds, giving up status and salary because of an objection in principle to a social policy of her political party. It is the young lawman who decides to dedicate his life to representing those who cannot afford to pay for legal services.

My South Africa is not the angry, corrupt, violent country whose deeds fill the front pages of newspapers and the lead-in items on the seven-o'-clock news. It is the South Africa often unseen, yet powered by the remarkable lives of ordinary people. It is the citizens who keep the country together through millions of acts of daily kindness.

Sh!t happens..a breakdown..

Shit happens.

How many times have you heard this expression?

How can things go so wrong, so quickly? And why is it that some people simply go on, without a care in the world?

What could have been?

A beautiful relationship, with the perfect client, a long term, mutually beneficial agreement, and it went horribly wrong..and this is how it happened.

A client, lets call him client X, had a need for a very specific piece of work.

A service provider had the required skills within their company.

A very good understanding was reached and everyone was all smiles and happy.

But, as we all know, often the best intentions get misread. Accusations fly, high and very low, so low that Client X starts to think - "WTF??". What am involved in here. Millions of Rands later, and all the client sees is a terrible trail of troubles - more accusations, blame, zero responsibility from the SP, and the cycle continues to degrade like an organic compost heap..very slowly, everything starts to decompose...

So, to break it down. Functional specs were vague, instructions were sometimes unclear, and the scope of the product changed often. As is the nature of the beast, scope change is accepted as part of a development cycle, and both sides needed to give way, and often.

And then the final straw. The deal maker gets the short end of the stick. Because the SP cannot manage his business effectively. The Client is pissed off, and wants nothing to do with the SP any longer, but due to circumstances, they need to get to certain agreed upon milestones.

The SP have been making a decent profit. But now that the client has downscaled his requirements, the SP sits with a massive overhead, a business that is no longer sustainable. And the deal maker get the smack in the head. Commission payments are withheld indefinitely, starting another round of a viscous cycle. And the integrity of the deal maker is at stake. The SP walks away, with not a care in the world!

Is it fair to withhold an agents commission when business takes a downturn?

No! but shit happens..and we move on..another day another place another time

Brand New Day...

If you were born today, in 1990, Nelson Mandela would still have been in jail.

The ANC was still to be unbanned.

F W de Klerk was the president of South Africa, the last white man to be in that position in this country.

South Africa stood on the brink of change. Apartheid was dying, and you were taking your first breath of life.

If you were born to a typical black family, you would most probably have been born in a Government Hospital.

In Cape Town, it would most likely have been Groote Schuur Hospital (loosely translated, Big Shed)

That Hospital was probable staffed by white nurses, who were trained by the then still Apartheid Government.

The Doctor, probably also a young white man, doing his internship, would most probably have delivered you as a baby.

The same white hands that could so easily have carried a R 1 rfile, in a township, under conscription, under the same Apartheid regime.

So, to recap - you were born in an Apartheid Hospital, delivered by an Apartheid trained doctor, nursed by a white nurse - guess what? You were born in Apartheid, From Apartheid, By Apartheid!!

But, something else was born that year too...the birth of a stillborn promise! This is your legacy...

You would still go to a school in a Township - Kalafon, Tembisa, Khayaletsha, Kayamandi....

Your teachers who fought in the struggle, would continue to struggle...

Your brother and sisters, those old enough to work, would still earn minimum wage...

Your cousin would still be working for that people in Bishops Court - making tea...

But now you had freedom..

And a promise...

Houses, Uncle Joe promised, would be for everyone, then sadly, he died...

Jobs, promised, but not delivered, but you are free..

Healthcare, promised, but who was to pay for this?

But a promise must be kept, you say?

Today, you turn 21, and what do you have to look forward to?

If your parents were lucky, they moved to a newer township, less stink, maybe running water?

Maybe, just maybe, you were lucky enough to get electricity..

Running water? Toilets?

You, last Apartheid baby, you laugh? you cry?

So, Happy Birthday, hope you have a good one, hope your dreams come true, cause this is what you have..

A dream..

A dream where people will not have to live in fear,

where you are your master...

where no one will discriminate against you...

where equal opportunities will abound...

So, today I give you your 21st birthday present...

It used to be a key, and big party..

The key symbolized the unlocking of your adulthood, perhaps locking the closed door of your youth...

You are an adult now..

Take responsibility

And like I always tell my children...the first rule...don't panic

Dear Dad

10 August 2009

Dear Dad

I write this letter, to try to clarify my thinking, and to shed some light on what I am going through at the moment.

I woke some time during the night, and started thinking back, back to a time when I was just a little child, and I could not recall ever spending any time alone with you. Not a single memory of just you and me. I felt very sad then, because I suppose if anyone asked me what I would want the most, then that would be it – just some time alone with you, without any distractions, without any one else to take your attention from me. I guess that I needed this all my life and never got it, and maybe that’s why I am the person I am today. I think of my own son now, and know that I must make time to connect with him, to understand him, his needs and desires and develop a relationship with him.

I approach my 40^th birthday, you are now almost 64? And I know that our time together is not going to be for that much longer. And it pains me to think that I have not been able to live up to your expectations. Although I take responsibility for my actions, a lot of what I have done in the past has been based on getting your attention. And any attention is better than no attention. I was granted the moniker of troublemaker at a very young age, I was always the one getting into trouble. My earliest recollections are of getting into hot water for some or other child hood prank. The naughty one. The black sheep. And so on. Labels, and more labels. Some even said that I would not amount to much, probably end up in prison someone said. Ok, that last thing did happen – an overnighter – but nothing to be overly concerned about ( I always had a lasting love of freedom which will always keep me centered and out of prison).

So what is this about then? Ok, I thought about it some more and it comes down to this. Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with you, based on the idea that we agree to disagree? I do believe we have fundamental differences in the most important areas of our relationship – religion, family values, politics and more.

But for us to agree to disagree, I suppose I would need to disclose some information that may be a bit of shock to your senses, your system, and I certainly do not want to be responsible for giving you another stress induced heart attack. So lets take it slowly and see where it ends ok?

With regard to my ingrained belief system. I acknowledge that there is a God, A god who does not need anything from me. Shall we leave it at that for now? I do not think that discussing the merits or demerits of one system of belief over another bears discussion at this point. Suffice to say that I admire your devotion to your belief system and I am happy that this system works for you. At the same time, I need you to know that it does not appeal to me personally. Perhaps one day it will, but for now we need to agree that it is OK for me to be different and that this difference should not be a cause for us not to be in a relationship.

I have made some decisions that have not had the desired results, granted, and at times I have made some foolish and rash decisions, but I really do not have any regrets. I do not believe that having regrets is a healthy or positive thing, but perhaps I need to ask your forgiveness for some of those actions that have hurt you or caused you pain.

I need you to forgive me for taking life changing decisions without first consulting you. I refer here to when I decided to marry Joline.

I need your forgiveness for not measuring up to your expectations of what I could have been – academically. I refer here to not completing my time at university.

I need you to forgive me for the times I caused you pain and hurt through foolish actions, foolish words spoken in anger to you and mother, and other generally stupid things I have said and done. I refer here to so many things, you can recall them should you wish to…

I speak now of compassion and understanding. I need your compassion in this regard. I know that you are a caring and understanding individual. But I have never really understood you on a deeper level. And I don’t think you have ever really understood me at a deeper level either. I have been through therapy sessions in trying to deal with this understanding or lack thereof, and it has only ever gained for me a temporary relief. That I have chose to write this, and thus far with the clarity of a drug filled mind (flu medication, nothing more I promise), in as simple manner as possible, and that it should be readable with the view to gaining an insight into my mind at this time, that is my objective. We are like two strangers at times, and at other times I revert to being that little boy again, wanting nothing more than your approval as my father, my caregiver, the one who I can look to in times of need.

I have spent time looking at my life – from the outside, from the eyes of those around me. I have faced, full on, the person I have become. I have tasted success, financially, and have also been a victim of that same success. I have learnt that money can buy lots of stuff, and that the same stuff can give one a cold and superficial meaning to life. I have immersed myself in the trapping of easily gotten wealth, and I have seen the futility of that life. The temporary cessation of pain, how money can ease the discomfort, but never buy the one thing we all crave – happiness and a fulfilled life of abundance. But most importantly, I have learnt that chasing the money dream is akin to chasing the early morning mist – futile and temporary because as the sun comes out, that mist evaporates, leaving nothing but the desire to chase the mist another day. Of failure I can also relate to. I have had opportunities that many would have converted into a meaningful life. I have failed, but I have never stopped trying to find the elusive thing I am in search of. I still am not always sure of what that thing is, but I am hopeful that I will find it one day, hopefully before its too late. For now, I am happy within myself, where the demons of the past cannot get to me. I look to the future now with renewed hope energy and vigour. For without a dream what am I to become.

On responsibility to those I care most about. I am now vitally aware of the passing of time. Age seems to be catching up with me. I awake with the thought that the drifting carefree life I have led has a serious downside – that I am in danger of becoming that thing I resent most – a drifter, a down and out bum. I know now that even though I am down, I am most certainly not out. That accepting responsibility for my situation now means taking the needed action to get out of that place. To make a life for my children that they can be proud of whom they are. Now, more than ever, I have accepted my responsibility to them. They need me now more than ever, and that my actions from here on in will make all the difference to what they will become.

But to be able to move forward from this point, I need to close and resolve the issues of my past that haunt me. The constant need of approval – yours foremost, and others in my peer group. The need for approval from my family, friends and business associates. I have come to terms with this on some levels, but not on the most important one – your approval. How can I gain your approval? How can I measure up, when I do not even know what yardstick you are measuring me with. Your own relationship with your father I know so little of, but could unresolved issues between the two of you be the reason why we cannot meet on this level? My sisters are all well off and seem on the outside at least to be living the quality life that you would have wished for them. You mentioned, in passing once, that when Bibi got married you could relax and get on with you r life, knowing that your obligation as a father had been completed now that she has found a husband. But the meaning of that was a lot deeper to me – when, if ever, did your obligation end to me as your only son? Did I miss something here?

Our relationship appears OK on the surface. We can talk about most things non personal, but we never appear to be able to dig deeper. Your reluctance to engage on a deeper level could be down to your not wishing to be confrontational, or it could simply be a way out of accepting the differences between us. Anyway, that is something we could engage in this dialogue, should you wish to engage.

What am I asking for then? I am asking for you to accept me the way I am, with my inequities and my human failings. I am asking for you to accept me the way I am. Accept that you have indeed instilled in me a moral compass that is pointing in the right direction. That my method of finding Nirvana is going to be different to yours. That I am going to make mistakes, and that I will learn from those mistakes. That all I ask for is your 100% support, unequivocally and in everything I seek.

I know that this will not be easy for you to give. I know that I may be asking a really big ask, but ask I must. Will you give me your blessings? As I am?

Reflections

I have been reflecting on the past few months, from both a work and personal perspective and have made some observations:

1. Things are never as bad as they seem to be, while you are experiencing them.
2. No matter how low you may go, you will always sink lower, if you allow yourself to think that way...
3. Following the crowd is NOT an option
4. People are extremely resilient...extremely so....
5. Time is relevant to how much you have to do, or rather how much (or little) time you have to do it in...go figure.....

I am always amazed at how simple life really is. I try and stop myself when I feel that Life is becoming to complex. Just do the Scrum thing. Crouch. Touch. Pause. Engage. I think we humans or is that Us humans? tend to load our plates with so much things we Have to do, instead of carefully selecting what we Want to do. Sure, there are some things we Have to do, but on the whole we need to find the time (see point 5 above) to do the things we Want to do. So each day, I try and do at least 1 thing I want to do. I find the pleasure of that 1 action can often drive me, motivate me, encourage me, to do the other Have to things that need to be done.

more later...

Happy Days

Indeed...

Looking forward to the Cape Town Book Fair at the Cape Town International Convention Center this coming weekend. This will be my 4th fair, and I am looking forward to meeting the authors and publishers - kind of re assuring that some things are still the same. Which gets me to thinking about all the things that have changed the past 4 years....

...2006 - I was still living in Joburg, but was already thinking of coming back down to CT.

...2007 - Back in CT, working for OM

...2008 -

...2009 - ???

Blurry, but some highlights stand out - the Eagle, old Louis B Nkosi - what a character. He went awol a few hours before the main event. We found him, in a bar, down the bottom of Long Street, drunk as a Lord! And he still made it to the function on time....guests of honour - Trevor and Maria!

07 was interesting too, with an expanded floor and a lot more activities...John Van Der Ruits Spud was one of the attractions...

last year we had Wilbur Smith and Max du Preex livening things up and this year its going to be another exciting adventure.


Look forward to seeing you there - and if you need a free ticket...just give me a call 079 352 0590

The @#$#@%

That's my word for this thing called the Recession...

I got to reading the other day, some or other blogger that was mumbling about all the cutbacks they had to make and the downsizing and the other stuff people in the US are having to do to get through the Recession. Well that got me to thinking. We have been pretty isolated here in good old Zumababwe (South Africa, the Republic of).

So how it works is like this - we have to cut back, spend less, save more, and some other stuff I lost rack of. Anyway, having gone through some pretty tough times over the last 15 years, and some pretty good time too, I thought about this. We need to spend less - less on so called luxuries. So I got to making a list of luxury items I buy regularly. Nothing. Zip. Zilch! I cant even remember when last I bought a decent Tshirt (my main clothing wardrobe item). Or a pair of good jeans. All essentials. But I digress. I got to think about the few remaining luxury items - a nice chocolate, or a meal at a nice restaurant.

So what was I thinking. OK - so we all cut back - and now the chocolate maker suffers. He sells less Chocolates. The restaurant goes bust cause he cant pay rent, meaning he lays off more people, causing more unemployment, and so the cycle continues. 

So what to do? Mmmm, I been thinking. We need some anti recession thinking here people! I think we need to scale down, not out. Lets form chocolate eating groups (I dont think they exist yet? do they?). We all pool some funds - buy a box and split the cost. Split the goodies so to speak. Maybe we all get a few blocks less, but we all still get something. A little bit of chocolate can go a long way. The Chocolate maker is happy (relatively) and he gets to keep his business open. We need to think out the (chocolate) box people (as can be seen, I love chocolate and really miss them - badly...). Or the restaurant - lets do a deal. A table of four, normal cost, R 400. Maybe do a set meal deal - R200 bucks! Every one pools R50! We all get a meal, a desert, maybe 1 drink (soft) and we all smiling! Sharing is caring people! I really think this can work, so I'm starting a Facebook group - anyone can join - search for the Recession Busters group - anyone can join, suppliers, customers, friends! Join now - lets kick the @#$%$# out of this stupid Recession! Now!

now where was that last piece of Lindt?????